“What was the thing that scared you the most that day?” - the woman in white asked.
“It wasn’t the killing or the sight of dying men. It wasn’t the sound of weapons or the screams. It was the feeling of belonging. I was desperately trying to find my place in life, and I finally did. Out there, covered in mud and blood, I felt like I knew what I was doing. I didn’t hesitate or freeze. I flowed through the bodies despite the fatigue and pain. I knew where to look, where to strike and when to run. The battle wanted me, and something in me cheered. That didn’t give me peace for a long time.” - Roric replied
“You came home to Anya, a different man. Not just because you took lives, you were truly different.” - Mora said
“I felt like I kept this terrible secret from her. I couldn’t tell her what I felt out there because I was afraid I’d see the same look on her face that I saw on my mother’s. But maybe I should have told her. Maybe Anya would have understood.
“Can I see her one more time?” - the soldier asked.
“Sorry, no more bargaining. I have to take you with me this time. Do you miss her?” - Mora asked.
“More than anything.” - he said.
“Then why aren’t you with her now? What are you doing here fighting other men’s wars? Why couldn’t you stay with her, grow old and have children?” - she asked.
“Because…” - a bloody tear ran down his face - “because I don’t know if I’m capable of that. I’ve never seen what a parent must do. After the first fight, I feared I had become like my father. So I didn’t want to start a family only to curse it the way I was. Because… monsters have good days. But only that.” - Roric said.